Holy moley...watch out for that plothole...there's another...another one.
I've loved horror movies since I was a kid when I used to stay up for those dusk to dawn horror shows on television. I never really
minded seeing horror movies that didn't always make sense mostly because I was watching for the cheap thrills and chills that they
gave me. Danny, my friend, and I would stay up starting at 11 at night until 7 am watching movie after movie. When we could stay at
each others house we would but when we were at our own homes, late at night, in the dark, all alone we would have the phone off
the hook all night telling each other it was okay or "did you see that? Spooky, man". I sure am glad there weren't any emergencies
because no one would have been able to get through to the family. Hey, young ones, call waiting was not invented yet. So you can
see I love horror movies. My tastes haven't changed, much...okay, okay, I tend to like a horror movie to make a bit more sense
nowadays.
VALENTINE is supposed to be a horror, slasher movie. It isn't really , it just tries to be. Yes it is a dead college kid movie.
No one gets killed because they are naked in bed or making love. As a matter of fact there is no nudity or any lovemaking in this movie.
The characters are all unloveable and no one really cares when they die. It is a movie where the only sympathetic character is the
supposed killer. Some of the plot seems to be stolen from a real slasher movie called
MY BLOODY VALENTINE. I have provided a url to the film site so you can read about it. That was a good slasher film.
Before, you think I'm starting to go over the bend, I'll explain that I like all types of films, obviously, but I believe if you are going
to make a slasher film then don't wimp out. VALENTINE is more of a thriller with some horror. The violence is about the same
type you would see on television crime series. I will say that this film will work best at a drive in theatre rather than in a hard top. Why?
Well when you are alone in the car with your date and there is no one around you, things are just scarier. Saying all that I did not
dislike the movie, I was just severely disappointed because it had greater potiental. It does have it's moments especially with the chocolate box
scene. That was a good one, the only one.
Many horror films center around something that happened to a child when they were young, and certainly this film is no different. What
perplexes me is that the type of incident that occurs at the start of this film still occurs in real life. When news reporters or parents
can not comprend why some student would walk into a school and kill fellow students, I would like to say go see some horror movies
or watch some teenager oriented movies on television. The answer is there staring you in the face. Kids can be so cruel to other
children that it amazes me that more of this doesn't happen. I know this isn't the answer to every situation but try this on for size...
stop taunting, ridiculing, making fun of others appearance or just plain abusing those that are not the same as you. Chances are, then,
they may not come into your class with guns and kill. No horror movie will ever equal the horror of something like that happening in
real life. Guys, you have to understand, in real life when people are hurting they very rarely plan intricate plots to kill people one at a
time. No, they march in and get rid of their frustrations all at once. While I watched the opening scene and the events later this was
utmost on my mind. People are cruel and sometimes I think this type of movie is written by a writer who chose to release his frustration
by writing a horror fantasy rather than living it out in reality.
"Shelly, dance with me?"
"In your dreams loser."
All righty then, I've stepped down from the orange crate. Now, the movie opens up with a young student, Jeremy (Joel Palmer),
at a dance. He is spurned by all the girls he asks to dance. One, Kate (Brittany Mayers), says later and another, Dorothy says
yes. Dorothy (Kate Logie) is an akward, plumpish girl, herself, that sits alone in the bleachers. When the two are discovered
under the bleachers making out, Dorothy lies to such a point that Jeremy ends up in a reform facility and later in prison. Now time
switches to the present.
"Would you dance with me?"
"I'd rather be boiled alive."
The action and killing starts off right after the opening sequence. It was a good sequence, so, I was really expecting the rest of the
movie to be good. From that point on we got introduced to the grown up but still shallow versions of all the girls and their friends.
The only major change is that Dorothy Wheeler(Jessica Capshaw) is now a very beautiful girl but still has total lack of self
esteem. Yes they are all as shallow and characterless as the movie itself. We quickly get introduced to all the characters again as
well as some boyfriends. Paige Prescott the snotty rude and obnoxious one is always looking for the right guy. She played by a
much thinner Denise Richards. Kate Davies played by Marley Shelton is going out with a Adam Carr
(David Boreanaz) a young reporter with a serious drinking problem. Lilly, a young businss executive is played by Jessica
Cauffiel. Shelley is played by Katherine Heigl. Suspicion for the murders to came fall on Adam as well as Campbell
(Daniel Cosgrove) among others. Campbell is Dorothy's new boyfriend who has a checkered past.The only adult we do not
see of course is the main suspect Jeremy. The story plods along with the girls being killed, of course, and so are most of the main
suspects. There is absolutely nothing new or ingenious about the way the killings take place. I would tell you more about this story
but it would be a waste of time. The ending didn't come as a surprise. The only surprise about the ending was that it was so ridiculous
that you would be lost for all time in the plothole. I feel like giving away the ending,which I rarely do, but some of you will go to
see it so I will let you decide. Being a horror film the ending you see is not necessarily the real ending. Really though, I didn't care.
"Things have been really wierd lately."
You can wait for the video on this one unless you can get to see it as part of a double feature or all niter at a drive-in theatre. Buy some
popcorn so that when you get bored you can marvel at how nature creates such intricate shapes when those kernels pop into popcorn.
Now that's interesting. Oh yeah buy one of those huge drinks that way you can have an excuse to go to the washroom during the
boring parts.
"Still want me to wax it?"
By the way I forgot to mention how riduculous the killer looks in his sweet little cupid face mask. Now if he was really vicious and nasty
the sweet face would have been more effective. I'm outta here. See you at the movies.
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